What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
