he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
