watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
