I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
