So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
