I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
