Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
