Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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