Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
