Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
