Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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