after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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