I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
