Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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