Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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