I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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