Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Congratulations! We have a period
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