Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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