when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's blow job season.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
