community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
