And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
