hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
