you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
