I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
