cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
