I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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