I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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