So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
