just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
