I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
