I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
