pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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