Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
