so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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