I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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