I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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