Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
