Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
