He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
