I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
