no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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