she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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