I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
