i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
