I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
