my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
