his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
