Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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