Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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