True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
