a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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