Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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