Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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