yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
