What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
