Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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